Judith
by emication
Summary: Heero loves Duo, but Duo love Quatre, but Quatre loves Trowa. Will things work out in the end?


Title: Judith  
  
Author: Vinyl Koneko (Emily), roguegirl@att.net  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Warnings: 4+3 ... 2+4 ... 1+2 ... language ... probably angst ... unrequited love ... guilt ... based after events in the timeline of the series during episode 38 (keyword: based) ... random Japanese ... unbetaed ...  
  
Archive: Want it? Take it. Just give me credit, please.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I just like to play with them and make them play with each other. This song isn't mine, either, for that matter. "Judith" is actually owned by A Perfect Circle off the CD Mer de Noms. I love APC!!! ^-^  
  
Comments: *Emphasis*, //lyrics//, 'thought', [flashback]. This idea hit me in the shower when I was conditioning my hair and it wouldn't go away...my muses had a sense of humor, that day. Is this a love triangle? Hot damn, look - 1+2, 2+4, 4+3. Nah, it isn't. Nevermind. If I threw 3+1 in there it would be a love-square, but the only time I've heard of one of those was in "A Midsummer Night's Dream". AND PEOPLE REPLY! I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!! ::whimpers:: I don't write other pairings everyday. I like motivation.  
  
*~**~*  
  
"This is the Winner family for you. What a great view! I guess you're running all this?" Duo stretched languidly, motioning his hand around the general area. He plopped into a chair near Quatre's and graciously accepted the offered tea and cookies.  
  
The blond Arab shook his head in response. "No. My sisters are administering all the property for me right now. We're saying that I've disappeared."  
  
"Because you're a Gundam pilot?" Duo frowned. The last time he had seen Quatre, they were headed for space and he had self-destructed Sandrock. 'It wouldn't make sense if he had been here for all that time.' "Quatre...where have you been?"  
  
"On the Earth; I went there with Heero to think about what I should do."   
  
Duo could've sworn that Quatre was judging his reaction from his response, but the sensation was gone and Duo shook it off as over-reading Quatre's behavior. "And? Did you come up with an answer?"  
  
Quatre nodded. "I'm going to fight. That's why I've been looking for all of you. There were a lot of kind people on the Earth. Really, the Colonies are the same. I want to build a society where everyone can live in peace. That's why I want to defend the pacifist ideals of the Sank Kingdom."  
  
"Pacifism..." Duo sighed, almost dreamily, and absent-mindedly stroked his braid. "I wonder if such a society could exist?"  
  
"Duo?"  
  
"I've always fought for the Colonies. I was enough, fighting by myself. I didn't want anyone else to suffer that way, and now the Colonies have started to fight a war. From now on, lots more people will die. I might be losing my faith in the future we dreamed of. I wonder if peace is just a dream that could never come true."  
  
Quatre averted his vision to the liquid in his cup, looking ashamed of what he had to say. "Once I made a mistake. I don't think I can be forgiven, but I want to risk everything to atone. That means keeping dreams of peace from being blotted out. If the dream is lost, then everything is finished."  
  
"Maybe so," Duo stood back up, scratching the back of his head, "but I guess a dark future suits Shinigami."  
  
//You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never ever choose to be.//  
  
"Duo..."  
  
"Aaaah, this place is too fancy for me; I'd better be going. If you're looking for the other Gundam pilots, I guess you'll run into what's-his-name," Duo winced inwardly. 'Kami-sama, you sound *pitiful*. Why'd you tell him if you didn't want him to know, anyway, Maxwell?' He answered his own mental question immediately. 'Because I don't want him to be hurt.'  
  
Quatre's eyes brightened and he sounded hopeful. "Duo... You mean..."  
  
"Yare yare," Duo waved his hand impatiently, not wanting to meet the insistent, aquamarine gaze. "Anata no koibito ka? He was with some travelling circus on L-3[1]."  
  
//Oh so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you.//  
  
Duo couldn't help but smile as Quatre blushed furiously. "He wasn't my lover."  
  
"Neh, but you wanted him to be, didn't you?" The braided American waved an index finger from side-to-side, enjoying himself in tormenting the smaller blond and hoping Quatre's empathic abilities wouldn't pick up the jealousy Duo radiated at the thought of the feelings Quatre held for the tall, Latin pilot.  
  
"Duo...daijobu desu ka? You don't seem yourself," the concerned light in Quatre's eyes made Duo swear inwardly. 'Kuso! Nice mask on that one, *Duo*, you lasted a whole five minutes *if* he hadn't suspected anything before now.' He looked up at the Arab carefully, and at Quatre's expectant gaze Duo remembered he was asked a question. 'Great, just great; I need a new catch-phrase. This whole not-lying thing is really becoming a pain in the ass.'  
  
"Anou...I haven't been getting much sleep..." 'That isn't *entirely* lying. 'Course it's hard to sleep when you've stolen a shuttle and know that OZzies could be on your ass any minute.'  
  
Quatre narrowed his eyes slightly, and he looked more distant; a look he often acquired when deep in thought or remembrance. "No...that's not it; it has something to do with Tr-"  
  
Deathscythe's pilot looked down at his boots as if they suddenly became the most fascinating thing in the world. "S-Suki da," Duo said, quietly and absent-mindedly. He could feel his face start to blush at the admission. 'Shinigami doesn't get embarrassed. Shinigami doesn't get embarrassed,' the mantra in his head repeated.  
  
"Wh-What?" Quatre blinked owlishly, confusion evident on his fair features.  
  
Duo's violet gaze met the other pilots. "Suki da," he repeated, a little more boldly.  
  
"Duo? You were *jealous*?" At the American's meek nod, Quatre seemed even more bewildered. "You like *me*? But I thought you and Heero...?"  
  
"Why does everyone assume something is going on between me and Heero?! Even Wufei thought there was something, and he's off playing lone dragon all the time!"  
  
"Because Heero likes you," Quatre replied softly.  
  
Amethyst eyes shot open. "NANI?!"  
  
The Arab pilot nodded in affirmation. "He isn't obvious about it, but I can tell... When we were at the Sank Kingdom, he wanted to leave and find you. He worries about you, you know."  
  
'This isn't fair. This can't be happening. Heero. *Heero*! The same Heero that thinks spandex is a fashion statement. The same Heero that finds self-destructing fun, and the same Heero that calls me "baka" every chance he gets and has made an art form out of silence!' Duo slid down the wall he was leaning against. 'Hello God...it's me, Duo. I just thought you should know that you're sense of humor isn't funny at all!'  
  
"Gomen nasai, Duo, but what I feel for you doesn't extend beyond friendship, and you know how I feel for Trowa..."  
  
The rage of emotions inside Duo's heart got over-bearing. 'Quatre has feelings for Trowa; Heero has feelings for me; I have feelings for Quatre... But he's here with me, not with Trowa.' Brushing blond bangs out of his eyes, Quatre sat on the floor besides Duo. 'Aw, fuck it.'  
  
He leaned forward and firmly pressed his lips against Quatre's, pouring all his being into the gesture.  
  
//Fuck your God, your Lord, your Christ!//  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, Duo pulled away. He searched the gauge Quatre's reaction in the tourmaline depths, but all he saw was sympathy in the depths that were filled with unshed tears. 'Kuso...what the hell did I do? I dirtied him, didn't I? I ruin everything that pure and good.'  
  
"I'm sorry, Quatre. I'm so sorry..."  
  
"Shh, Duo, kitto OK...[2]" Quatre bent forward, cradling his friend's head against his chest. "Kitto OK..."  
  
Duo wiped at his nose with his hand. 'Why does Quatre make me feel so emotional? C'mon, Duo, cheer up! Boys don't cry, remember.' "Neh, Quatre...why aren't you and Trowa together if you care so much about him?"  
  
"I haven't told him yet," Quatre admitted, lightly stroking Duo's braid. Duo normally couldn't stand it when people touched his hair, but with Quatre he didn't mind.  
  
"No, that's not what I meant! Why's he on L-3 and you're here? You guys have a fight or something?"  
  
Quatre's expression looked sad and...guilty again. "I thought he was dead."  
  
//He did this, took all you had, and left you this way!//  
  
"What? Why? How? Did something happen while I was spending quality time with Wufei in an OZ prison cell?"  
  
"Aa...something like that..." 'Why do I suddenly have the feeling I shouldn't have asked?' "Have you heard about the new Gundam?"  
  
Duo thought for a moment. "Some OZ Lieutenant forced me to pilot one, now that I think about it. It looked a little like Heero's Gundam, but it had this...system or something; the suit told you want to do and made you see things that weren't really there."  
  
Quatre nodded. "I built it. And then I flew it." Duo was too shocked to comment. The blond had closed his eyes, and it almost seemed like he was recalling the memories. "I destroyed colonies; thousands of innocents died because of me. The ZERO System, that's what it was called, made me insane, Duo. I fought Heero and Trowa, and I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late. I destroyed the suit Trowa was piloting, and he didn't escape before it exploded. I had nearly killed Heero, as well. But I didn't give up hope that Trowa had survived. He's just too strong to be killed by *me*," Duo winced at the self-loathing he heard in the last sentence.   
  
//Still you prayed, never straying, never taste of the fruit.//  
  
"Heero and I went to Sank after a while; we stayed because Miss Noin said she could help us find Trowa. Heero didn't really want to stay, but he did anyway." Quatre reopened his eyes. The irises seemed darker than they had been moments before. "I went insane, and Trowa risked his life to snap me out of it."  
  
//Never thought to question why.//  
  
"Well," Duo said quietly, "you can go see him again."  
  
"I don't know if I can. I don't know if he'd ever be able to forgive me."  
  
Duo was getting sick of hearing about his fellow pilot's self-induced guilt trip. "Quatre, of *course* he's forgive you! He knew the risk and, really, he isn't dead!"  
  
//It's not like you killed someone.//  
  
They sat in silence for a few moments. Duo was wrestling with the idea of telling Quatre what had happened when he ran into Trowa. Heavyarms's pilot hadn't recognized him; he almost seemed afraid. 'If he lost his memory, I shouldn't tell Quatre. He might just get more upset, and besides, Trowa might remember who Quatre is. Just because he forgot about me doesn't mean he forgot *everything*!'   
  
//It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side.//  
  
"You should go see him; he *has* to forgive you. Trowa doesn't seem like the type that would hold a grudge for something that was partially his fault, anyway. I mean, he got you to snap out of it, didn't he? So his mission wasn't in vain." Duo forced out a laugh to lighten the mood. "Unless you're still insane right now. If so, then should direct you to the people in the white coats with the pretty blue pills..."  
  
Quatre hit him playfully. "That isn't funny, Duo!"  
  
Duo shrugged. "I think we could all be committed to the loony bin for one reason or another, but that might just be me." He sighed, standing up carefully and wiping the dust off his pants. "You really love him, don't you?"  
  
//Praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed.//  
  
"Yeah," the Arabian pilot smiled fondly, "I do."  
  
//He did it all for you.//  
  
They left the main lobby of WEI and rode down the elevator in silence. Quatre would be able to get a private shuttle, but Duo would have to get out the same way he got in...Deathscythe.  
  
"Oi, Quatre, is Sandrock fitted for spaceflight?"  
  
"No, but I'll manage. Rashid said that they'd see what could be done."  
  
"I should hook you up with Howard; he's the man! I swear, the guy is a genius with Mobile Suits."  
  
"I'll look into it. Hey, Duo?"  
  
"Yeah, Cat?"  
  
"Try to give Heero a chance, okay? I don't want to put up with you griping about being miserable and alone."  
  
//Did it all for you.//  
  
*~**~*  
  
Duo not-so-carefully landed Deathscythe in the hangar, opening the hatch, and letting out a whoop of joy. The war was over, and they won! Duo leapt to the ground from the open hatch, the speed of the fall lessened back the lower gravity.  
  
"Heero, we did it!" he tackled the taciturn pilot into an enthusiastic bearhug. Quatre had told him to give Heero a chance, and he *was* trying, but no matter what he did, he couldn't seem to get a response out of the Japanese teen.  
  
//Oh so many ways for me to show you how your dogma has abandoned you.//  
  
The amethystine-eyed pilot looked up in time to see Trowa helping a flushed and very-much-in-pain Quatre out of Sandrock. Duo actually smiled when he caught Trowa planting a chaste kiss in Quatre's golden hair. 'Maybe it is okay for them to be together. Quatre's my friend; I only thought there was more because I envied his life. I feelings for Quatre came from the same well as Relena's for Heero.'  
  
Duo mentally rolled his eyes. 'Hello, God...it's me, Duo...again. Yanno, Cat said that Heero had feelings for me. Why does he not act like it? It's hard to give a chance to a guy that won't even act like he's your friend.' He looked back down and jumped in surprise at the Prussian blue depths staring at him. 'And I won't lie...the physical attraction is there, but mentally... I connect more with a *rock* mentally!'  
  
//Pray to your Christ, to your God. Never taste of the fruit,  
never stray, never brake, never choke on a lie.//  
  
"Eh...I'll be right back," Duo had no idea why he needed to announce that fact to Heero, but he did. He said he'd celebrate, and he damn well was going to! The American had managed to find three glasses, but no champagne. 'Damn it. Oh well. Quatre *did* say non-alcoholic.'  
  
He knocked lightly on the door before entering. Quatre was sitting up on the bed, looking his usual color, and Trowa was seated beside him. Duo quickly handed out the glasses and blushed when the other two noticed there was nothing to drink. "Sorry 'bout that, but I couldn't find anything."  
  
"It's all right, Duo; this will be fine," Quatre flashed him a genuine smile, and oddly, Duo didn't have the same mental response to the expression as he used to. He still smiled in response, but he didn't feel as...bubbly as he would have before. 'Oh well. Not everyone can say that their first crush was Quatre Raberba Winner.'  
  
//Even though he's the one who did this to you, never thought to question why.//  
  
They toasted and Duo even went so far as to pretend that there was something in the glass, coughing dramatically. "Oh boy, this stuff is *strong*!" The joke elicited a giggle from the blond youth and a slight smirk from the taller one. 'Hang on a second...a smirk...from Trowa? Kuso, I think the devil is ice skating in Hell.'  
  
"So..." Quatre started, "Did you talk to Heero yet?"  
  
"Aa...iie."  
  
//Not like you killed someone.//  
  
"Honto ni? Why not?"  
  
Duo fidgeted where he stood. "Hasn't come up?"  
  
"Duo..."  
  
"Why am I expected to talk to him if he's the one that likes me!" 'Oh, bravo, Maxwell, bravo.'  
  
The blond Arab's gaze was fixed pointedly on his friend. "You're starting to sound childish. You know Heero isn't the most vocal person. Maybe if you initiated conversation..."  
  
"God, Quatre, he isn't even that *interesting*! I don't think he's exchanged more than ten words with me at any given moment, and I think he has a love affair going on with that damn laptop!"  
  
//It's not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side.//  
  
"He's just shy, Duo. Do you think he was *trained* to deal with this? And maybe he *has* been taking some initiative, but you weren't paying any attention."  
  
Duo had no clever retort for that. 'He didn't kill me after Barge caught me; he signed in at a school under *my* name; he wasn't too happy when I got caught by OZ the second time; he always seems to be rooming with me...[3] Kami-sama, maybe I *wasn't* paying attention!' Seeing the persistent gazes from Trowa and Quatre, he knew arguing the point further would be moot. He spun around on a heel and marched out the room, searching for a certain Japanese pilot.  
  
//Talk to Jesus Christ as if he knows the reasons why.//  
  
Surprisingly enough, it didn't take that long to find him. He was in the room they'd been using packing up his stuff. The Peacemillion probably wasn't going to be flying any time soon; the poor craft's fate was most likely to be hauled into a museum to be gawked at for generations to come. Duo shuddered involuntarily. 'If that ever happens to Deathscythe, I'll destroy him first.'  
  
"Hey, Heero... Packing?" 'And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a prime example of keen observational skills honed down to zero-percent in order to small-talk your way into a conversation.'  
  
"Hn," came the reply. Heero didn't even look up.  
  
"Um, well, we need to talk." 'Eh, it's a start.' Heero stopped folding clothes to stare at the American instead. "This is kinda awkward but...ya see...Quatre said you like me." He braced himself for pain and blackness, or at least a swift beating into tomorrow, but it never came. Duo didn't even realize he had closed his eyes until he cracked one open to see what Heero's reaction was. The other pilot hadn't even moved. "So is it true?"  
  
There was a momentary silence before Heero figured out how and if he was going to respond. "Hai..."  
  
Duo snarled, sick of the monosyllabic responses he was getting out of the other pilot. "Come on, Heero; I'm trying to be a nice guy here and at least *consider* giving you a chance, and all you're doing is grunting at me! I don't have to be here right now, you know!"  
  
//He did it all for you.//  
  
When more moments of silence passed, Duo let out an aggravated sigh and turned to leave.  
  
"I did it for you, you know," Heero said, but his voice was so low that Duo wasn't sure if he heard correctly.  
  
He stopped in his tracks. "N-Nani?"  
  
"I did it for you." Heero's expression was solemn, but his eyes were completely honest and open. 'Fuck...I can't even *begin* to read the emotions in those depths. I hadn't even thought Heero was capable of feeling that much.'  
  
"You did what for me, Heero?"  
  
Heero turned away from the suitcase and approached Duo cautiously, like he was afraid Duo would run out the door if he got too close. Heero stopped when they were standing mere inches apart. "I ended the war for you; I survived for you."  
  
//Did it all for you.//  
  
Duo was getting nervous from the sudden closeness and the over-whelming emotions he was seeing in the Prussian blue orbs alone. He felt like he was drowning in those eyes. "W-Why?"  
  
"Because I feel something for you; I don't want to put a label to it yet, since I know the feeling isn't mutual, but I want you to give me a chance." Heero seemed even closer now, and the drowning sensation was getting stronger and stronger, but instead of his breathing being inhibited, Duo felt like this was the first time he ever breathed fresh air.  
  
'This isn't fair; this isn't fair; this isn't fair; this isn't fair. Why do people like making me contradict myself? I liked Quatre, but I realized that wasn't anything more than a fatuation based on friendship, and now Heero is making me feel something other than irritation. I can't identify have the emotions in his eyes, but I do see the fear. Dear God, I want to make the fear go away.'  
  
Duo leaned forward, closing the gap between them, and planted his mouth on top of Heero's, slightly startled by the enthusiasm of Heero's response and the way the sensation seemed to create warmth that traveled from his head all the way down to his toes. 'Yeah...maybe I could get used to this, afterall...'  
  
//Did it all for you.//  
  
*~**~*  
  
Owari  
  
[1] Or was that L-2? Eh...I'm not keeping track.  
[2] I totally did *not* do that on purpose!  
[3] I could come up with a longer list, but at this point I just wanted to finish the damn fic. ^_~  
  
A/N: Wow...that was different from what I normally write. At least the Duo I normally write is different from this one. Did anyone enjoy this? Feedback... ::turns chibi and eyes get big and watery:: Onegai ka? 


End file.
